Reminiscent
by sniperocker123
Summary: Edward did not succeed in saving his wife at the end of Breaking Dawn. Now he's got a daughter who he loves and a family that's grieving the loss of one of them. Edward thinks and tells Bella of how things have been since she's been gone. Short story. AU. Please Review.


**I've had this idea for writing Edward's POV of what would have happened if Bella really did die while giving birth to Renesmee. **

**Would he be really broken or would he be on his way to recovery because of his daughter?**

**Please let me know if I've done any justice to Edward's character at all.**

**EPOV**

It's been two years since you've been gone. Yes, two years. One would think how a vampire could survive the loss of his mate for even two hours, but I did. I am. I am living. For you. For _her._

I know you saw her, Bella. You said that she was beautiful. She is, my love. That's one thing she's inherited from her mother. Her deep, brown eyes are another. I remember the day she first asked where her mother was.

_I had been sitting on the window-sill of my room. Our daughter had been nestled on my lap. A place you often liked to sit on._

"_Daddy, where's mommy?" Renesmee asked in her own peculiar way._

_ "She up there in the sky, Nessie. You see that star. Yeah? That's her, baby girl. She's always up there looking after us," I'd said trying desperately to keep my voice from shaking._

_ Nessie'd nodded and looked at my face. A few minutes later, very slowly, she brought her hand to my cheek once more._

_ "It's my fault, isn't it Daddy? Mommy's a star because of me, right?"_

_ I had been shocked at her question. Then again, I shouldn't have been. Renesmee had taken after her mother in more ways than one. I shook my head and pulled her tighter into my embrace._

_ "No baby. It wasn't your fault. Daddy just...he was too late."_

_ Nessie had shaken her head, jumped out of my lap and into Jacob's arms, who had heard the conversation and was waiting for her at the door of my room. He gave me a small smile which I didn't – couldn't – return. I turned back to the sky and watched you shine there._

I hope you understand, though. I was in a bad phase. I still am. I'll never heal, but then you probably know that. But back then, I had taken to shouldering the blame all by myself. I'd believed that the few moments of pleasure that I had received had led to your fate. I didn't know whom to blame, love. I loved Renesmee as soon as I saw her, Bella. I couldn't hate her – even if I tried.

I tried to be angry with Rosalie, too. But that didn't go well at all. It only threatened to tear our family apart. So I gave up on that too. That was another conversation I would never forget.

_ "I lost a sister too, Edward," Rosalie had half-yelled, half-sobbed._

_ "Oh did you?" I'd sneered. "Well, I know how much you loved her, Rosalie. We all do. You only wanted the baby to be safe. You kept on encouraging her to kill herself. You didn't give a crap about my wife's life."_

_ "If I didn't care about Bella, I'd never had asked to let go," Rosalie'd said softly._

Did she, Bella? Did she ask you to let go? She's never thought about it since. I'll never know, I guess. We don't talk about it much, our family, I mean. We only think about the good times we had together. We celebrate your life. Just like you'd have wanted us to, I'm sure.

Jacob was a great help to me, love. I'm sure you're smiling now, thinking of all the times Jacob and I had sworn to kill one another. Ever since, Jacob imprinted on Renesmee, he's practically moved to our house. We were both together in this. Both mourning the loss of the girl we both loved.

The house is also different. Alice doesn't shop much anymore. Esme tries to keep herself involved all the time. Emmett doesn't make much noise anymore. Jasper is always pensive. Rosalie is often consumed by her guilt and Carlisle...Carlisle's not at home much anymore. Probably to escape the grief that has very much torn us apart. But we're all healing, Bella. Not getting better...but healing.

But you're always there in their thoughts. In mine. I can't forget nor would I want to. It seems to be bitter-sweet now. The first time I saw you in the cafeteria...the biology lesson wherein I almost killed you...our declaration of love in the meadow...my proposal...each precious moment from the island. But most importantly, our wedding.

Do you know what a nervous wreck I was, Bella. I remember Carlisle trying to figure out if there was a vampire substitute for Alprazolam.

_ "Now would be the right time to calm the hell down, Eddie. You're making poor Jasper jumpy," Emmett boomed clapping me on my back._

_ "I'm sorry Jazz. I can't help it," I apologized to Jasper._

_ "Nah, it's ok, man. You're first wedding to your mate only comes once. It's your right to be scared shitless. Don't let me stop you. Go ahead and freak out,"Jasper smirked._

_He quickly ducked as a ceramic vase came his way._

And then I saw you walking down the stairs and down the aisle in all your beauty. Trust me, Bella, you had never looked more beautiful. Your dress, the grace with which you came...I didn't think it was possible for a vampire to forget everything in his surroundings and concentrate only at his beaming bride, but I did.

And then we left for the honeymoon on Isle Esme. Each caress, each touch, each kiss was love. And I felt it, too, Bella. All your love for me as we consummated our marriage. Forgive me, for my behavior when we were coming back. I had been distraught with worry for you. But I had never been more wrong. You fought for the right thing, love.

I can hear Nessie's footsteps now. She had been spending the day with grandpa Charlie. She's probably home. I promise you that I'll take care of her Bella. She's our little miracle and I promise to never forget that. For her sake. For ours. For yours. I promise you. I love you.

**Please review:)**


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